Gut Feeling

For the past month or two, I have had a feeling that I simply cannot shake.

Now I must say, I have learned it is not prudent to put too much stock into "feelings" as a method of making big decisions and judging various aspects of life. But no matter what, I just have this gut feeling that something is going to happen in my life. Soon.

I don't know what it will be. I don't know what “soon” means. But I just have this sensation that I am standing on the verge of some huge, wonderful mystery. Most days, it is very exciting. On several occasions, I have been driving down the interstate, and I simply have to turn off the radio and shout this amazing joy to God because of this thing that is going to happen and how excited I am to find out what it is. (I know, that's probably really weird... but welcome to my life!) And I don't mean just once or twice -- I'm guessing it's happened about 7 or 8 times in the past two months. It is sort of exhilarating to be so excited about such a mystery -- really, I know nothing more than this gut feeling that something big is coming my way, and I am PUMPED ...most days.

I cannot deny the reason for this excitement. My friends and I have been talking a lot recently about openness to whatever God places in our lives. In those moments of beautiful joy, I am not thinking about what my future holds. My heart is simply overflowing with such joy that God has this big, beautiful plan, and I get to be a part of it. I am an instrument in His orchestra, and whatever part He gives me to play is an honor!

I have to admit, though, I am not always that open to what God places before me. For the past two weeks, I've been so focused on my own agenda that I have barely even payed attention to the world around me. And I must say, it has not been a very pleasant two weeks.

But then, a few days ago, something incredible happened. Something so simple, and yet the exact wake-up call I needed to get me out of my own closed-off plans: my friend Laura came to visit me after school.

She didn't have any reason for coming, except that she wanted to spend some time with me. She wanted to hear about my day, about my stress, about my life. So, I followed what God gave me: I packed up my bag, ignored my to-do list, and we went to McDonald's. We sat and talked, drank sweet tea, and shared life. It was beautiful.

Several hours later, after meeting with more friends at our weekly Communion and Liberation gathering, I was reflecting on all these events as I drove to meet everyone for a late dinner. I was still digesting some of the beautiful experiences and comments that had been shared when everything started to come together. I was once again thinking about those beautiful moments of openness on the interstate, and how wonderful it was to burst with joy, exclaiming, "GOD, YOU ARE SO AWESOME!!! I have no clue what is coming my way, but I know it's big, and I know it is life-changing, and I know it is for YOU. I know it is a gift, and I'm ready!”

And that is when I remembered something that another friend had shared not 10 minutes before: "He is the one who sustains me in every moment. Every moment of my life is because of Him. Every breath is because of Him."

Suddenly, it hit me.

Wait a minute – I thought. Why am I not approaching every single moment of my life with this mentality?? Every single moment is a gift! THAT is the big thing I've been waiting for! The huge gift, this mysterious thing that I have been waiting for, is happening right now! It's this breath... and this one... and that beat of my heart... and the one after that!! Thank you, God, for this amazing gift and the grace to realize it!

Is some big, life-changing event coming up on my horizon? Perhaps – but more importantly, God has blessed me with friends who show me every day that the biggest gift of all is one that is so often overlooked:

Life.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. --Jeremiah 29:11