Let go of the rock!

After Mass this morning, as I returned to my bedroom to change into some more comfortable clothes for my day, I just happened to glance out of the window. In stark contrast to the blanket of white that covered everything that I saw initially, what really caught my eye was a very beautiful squirrel that was "hanging out" on a tree right outside my window. I dropped what I was doing to watch him, and I saw him jumping from branch to branch, from tree to tree, until he was able to simply climb down to the ground and go on his way. I was very struck by this scene, a gentle reminder of something that has really been gnawing at me lately.

This week happens to be National Vocations Awareness Week, and as I have been rather half-heartedly discerning a religious vocation for a while, it has struck me that this year my birthday has also fallen during this week. I know that in my own life, I have reached a point of definite restlessness as to where God is leading me in my life. I have gone through a major career change, moving home with my parents, during this year, and it has brought along with it a desire to move forward in discernment, as well as a fear of taking steps in that direction. I know that taking steps to discern with a particular community (I have one in mind that I have visited multiple times) will allow me to truly discern if that is where my life's peace will come, and yet fear takes over, leading to selfishness and walking in the opposite direction.

So, why did the squirrel bring this all back into my mind? My friends in Communion and Liberation (CL) were talking a few weeks ago about a reading in our current book, The Religious Sense, by Fr. Luigi Giussani, in a place where he speaks of a rock climbing trip he took, where he became so overcome with fear that he would not let go of a rock, literally! He held on, even though all those with him even offered to carry him the rest of the way. But he let fear take hold. The evening of CL when we discussed this, we continued to say, "Let go of the rock!" and how that applies to our life. It was also pointed out that if we don't let go of the rock, how can God give us all that He wishes to give? In other words, if my hands are grasping something, how can they be open to receive gifts?

That squirrel in my yard, jumping freely from branch to branch, didn't doubt what was on that next branch. It didn't doubt whether or not it could make the jump, whether it had the strength. It just jumped, trusting that everything would work out for the best. That is a reminder for me to let go of my rock, to trust in God's providence for my life, and to be open to what comes next, not holding on to what is in the past or what I have right now. I have already learned, from my own present experiences, that holding onto the rock will honestly lead to selfishness, a lack of excitement for life, and a lot more doubts!

So, needless to say, yet another reminder of God's grace in my life! Hopefully the grace to open my heart more to Him and to His love. And God-willing, hopefully the grace that when I get back from the Pilgrimage for Life next week, I can once again take the plunge to visit this religious community, this time with an open heart and not my own self-control and fear. Any prayers would be appreciated, and I hope that you also can let go of whatever rocks you are holding on to!


Image Source

The story paraphrased in this post can be found on p.129 of The Religious Sense by Fr. Luigi Giussani.