Generosity: The Antidote to Independence

"America: the land of the free and the home of the brave."

Independence is something we celebrate, and rightly so.  Our freedom is given by God, recognized by man -- and the continuation of that recognition is key. But I think that sometimes -- for me, at least -- too much value is placed on independence in the wrong circumstances. Lately, the difference between independence and freedom has become increasingly clear to me.

Growing up, I always saw independence as something to strive for, something to earn that meant I had finally "made it." I longed for the day when I wouldn't need to have someone to drive me, or sign permission forms, or provide for my every need. Later, I longed for the independence of having my own classroom, without a professor popping in to check on me. Then, after spending two years living with my family, but working full-time, I longed for true independence: my own home.

At the end of the summer, I purchased my first home. The first week of August, I moved in; school began the second week. In the meantime, a close friend accepted a job nearby and also moved into my spare room. It was a whirlwind to say the least... and I could not have done it on my own.

I find it beautifully ironic that my first month of "independence" has been the biggest testament to the fact that I am created to be dependent on others... and on Another. In my stubbornness, I tried to be independent. But I have been struck by the generosity of others. For example:


- Two friends surprised me when they showed up at my house after an evening of bowling to help me move -- at 11:30pm on a Monday! (One was also preparing to depart for her study abroad, which made her sacrifice even more beautiful.)

- Two friends gave up their Saturday morning to switch out an old washer and dryer for newer appliances. They came at 8am, disassembled the banister, removed the door, switched the appliances (carrying them up the stairs by hand), hooked everything up, and reassembled the railing with some minor repairs to make it more stable... all in just about an hour. Payment? A glass of water and a promise of a return favor sometime.

- I came home from running some errands one Saturday to find my neighbor mowing my lawn... weed-eater and everything. "Hi, I'm Tim... figured you didn't have a mower yet. Welcome to the neighborhood."

- An elderly gentleman down the street came to the door to ask if I went to church and to invite me to the Baptist church down the block where his son preaches. His wife has Alzheimer's, and his daughter came to stay with her while he went out to visit -- and he took that time to come to meet me and evangelize!

- I needed some help with a particular struggle and asked my pastor if he had any time "in the next week or so" ...and he made time the next morning, on his "day off," when he was leaving on vacation the next day.


These are just a few of the many experiences recently that have given me a much-needed reminder that I do not make myself. If I am here, it is because there is Someone else making me. If I do something, it is because of Another who gives me the opportunity. I so frequently get caught up in "chasing the dream" that I lose sight of Him who gives me my desire and the means to pursue. I am so grateful for these reminders and all the people who have been given to me to help me on this journey... because, really, I need their help.

May we all discover the freedom that comes with being wholly dependent on Him who gives us every moment of every day!

The Rhythm of Life

I am not a patient person. I am always on the go and spend an alarmingly large percentage of my day multi-tasking. My to-do list is always growing, and since I tend to procrastinate, I work well with deadlines and check-points along the way. I am always looking for the most effective and efficient way to accomplish tasks, and when others do not do the same, it is all too easy for me to become very impatient and quite frustrated.

Clearly, this poses a problem in my life. (Well, several, actually...)

See, God is not limited to time. And since my concept of time does not match up well with God's infinite timelessness, and I recognize that my plans for my life are not always in line with His plans for my life, it is all too easy for me to become confused, lost, and frustrated by my lack of knowledge and understanding.

"God, I know Your plans are infinitely greater than what I can even imagine for my life. I trust in you. But I'm anxious... could you please somehow show me what you have in store for me? Give me a quick peek, a glance, so that I can know that I'm on the right track... please?"

I remember praying something similar to this at various points in my life, although I don't recall specifically doing so recently. But as He proves to me over and over again, God's time is not my time, and His ways are not my ways. Even though I have not expressly prayed in those words recently, the general idea has been in my mind and heart a lot. When I pray about this, I typically do so with a bit of impatience and frustration -- not with God, but with my inability to see very far down this path, my inability to see where I am going.

But when the memory of this prayer came to my mind last night, for some reason, I was reminded of my first graders -- and I saw this aspect of my humanity in a new and beautiful way.


Brief sidebar for some pertinent information: Beginning in first grade, my students count rhythm cards every time they come to music class. Level #1 begins with only three types of notes in various combination, and each level either adds a new rhythm or mixes the cards so they are no longer in a progressive, predictable order. A class cannot move on to the next level until they can accurately count and clap the cards in order, listening to each other to stay together as a class and with the steady beat of the music. If there are mistakes or the entire class isn't precisely together, we keep working on it the next class. It takes quite while to pass each level (which can be frustrating for some classes), but by the time those high standards are met, everyone in the class truly has a solid grasp on the skills needed; they are ready and well-equipped for the next task.

The younger classes get very excited about moving on to the next level. Inevitably, every day when we finish the cards, at least one person will excitedly ask, "Miss Michel, did we pass?" -- even if they know they made a lot of mistakes. They really want to have the accomplishment of completing one level and moving on to the next. When they do pass, they get even more excited. In first grade, this news is almost always followed up by a request:

"Can we see the next level? Pleeeeeease??"

I usually comply... in my own joking way. I quickly fan through the stack with my thumb so they can see the print, but cannot actually read the rhythms. Sometimes, I even do it backwards so that they majority of what they see are the blank sides of the pages. (I know, I am so hilarious!! haha) But they keep asking, often bringing more specific requests:

"MISS MICHEL!! Don't go so fast, we can't see them!" (Oh... okay.)

"No, Miss Michel! Go the other way!" (Oops! Sorry!)

"I SAW ONE!! I don't know what it's called, but it looks like..."

"Wow, I wonder what that is!"

I absolutely love this exchange because they are so excited about the things they are going to learn the next time I see them! They know I won't tell them about the new rhythm until next class, but they just want a sneak peek of the future.

Sometimes, they ask to see the final level -- Level #20. When I give into that request, something near awe ensues:

"Oh my goodness!"
"Whoa! That's a lot of cards!"
"Did you see that?"
"What is that??"

And then -- "Miss Michel, can we try it?" I tell them no, they can't skip ahead to the end, they have to go through all the levels before they can get there. They're a little disappointed, but deep down I think they know as well as I do that they aren't ready for level 20. I tell them that we definitely won't get there in first grade -- it will probably take them until 4th or 5th grade to get there. "What?? Fifth grade???" Yes, fifth grade.

See, I know that there are rhythms in level 20 that are simply beyond the grasp of a 7 year old child. Yes, they have a solid foundation, and they can count the snot out of quarter notes, quarter rests, eighth notes, and half notes... but I know they aren't ready for dotted rhythms, sixteenth notes, uneven patterns, and many other things found in that particular folder. I know they will get there, but it will take some time. The levels are broken down in a particular way for a reason: the complexity can be best understood when practiced and explained in small doses. Learn a skill, practice it, perfect it; add another skill, practice, perfect it; then another... It will take a long time, but eventually they will have a very solid and thorough understanding of how rhythms work; they will be able to sight-read, write, compose, and analyze them without trouble. But it takes work, and it takes patience... and it takes time. Lots of time.


Driving home the other night from a wonderful day at our Source + Summit retreat, where I had been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on my life, I realized that when it comes to the direction of my life, I am EXACTLY like a first grader with those rhythm cards!

"God, am I ready?"
-- Not yet, keep working.

"How about now?"
-- Almost...

"You mean I'm still not ready? Man, this is taking a long time!"
-- I know, but it's part of my plan. Just trust me, we'll get there.

"Can I please see what's coming? You don't have to give it to me now, just let me know what it is so that I know what to expect, what to look forward to down the road. Please??"


The truth is, I know I'm not ready for "Level 20" in my life. I'm in the process, working my way through, learning along the way, gaining the skills, knowledge, and graces I will need for whatever it is that God has planned for me. I am certain that God knows what is best for me, and that His plan is for my benefit. Even if, as His child and student, I think the lesson is taking too long, deep down I know it is probably because there is something I'm missing, something I haven't quite grasped just yet. He won't let me skip ahead because He loves me too much to see me struggle and fail unnecessarily.

Sometimes, I do get a "sneak peek" at what is coming my way, and it is beautiful!! Those moments bring excitement, but also a certain element of confusion: "What exactly is that? What does it mean?" Just like my students, I can get excited about a glimpse -- and there is nothing wrong with that!! -- but the glimpse doesn't necessarily help without further explanation from the Teacher.



Lord, grant us patience and guidance as we continue to learn to trust in You more and more each day. May we trust not only Your plans, but Your timing and methods as well!

Poland Trip

Hello! I feel very humble to have been given this amazing opportunity to share with you what God has been doing in my life. I would like to thank Tyler Tenbarge for giving me this platform to give glory to God in the work He is doing in someone so undeserving of His gifts- me.